Curiosity--The Power of Not Knowing
The Power of Not Knowing
I remember when my desire to be the expert, to be seen as competent, and to have the answer became a problem for me; a senior business leader I was partnered with on a global project told me he didn’t think I had the skills or experience to get the job done. I insisted that I did.
That simple response turned into 6 months of studying, late nights, working on weekends, anxiety, and stress. I got the project done…but at what cost? If I had had the courage to admit that I had a lot to learn, and to ask for help, life might have unfolded differently, offering valuable lessons along the way.
Like many of us, I had always been recognized and promoted for my strong decisions, my ability to get things done, and my expertise. Those skills—the power of knowing-- can serve people well, until they become leaders. Then knowing becomes a smaller tool in a much larger toolbox.
The state of “not knowing” can seem to some of us like a passive stance, like reticence, like we are relinquishing power. However, embracing this state moves us from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It’s an active stance that unlocks potential and requires new skills. In essence, “not knowing” becomes a powerful force— The Power of Not Knowing.
When we are brave enough to move into Curiosity and admit that we don’t know, we are required to employ two specific skills: Meaningful Listening, and Powerful Questioning.
Meaningful Listening
Many of us believe we are really listening to others, but what we may be practicing is hearing; hearing to respond and move the conversation to the next point.
Real listening is an active and full-bodied skill—it demands focus and full presence; it allows us as the listener to move empathetically into the perspective of the other person to see things differently. As outlined in this video by Otto Scharmer, a researcher and expert on listening, we want to achieve what he calls Generative Listening. Generative Listening is the deepest level of listening and allows us to step into the perspective of the other person and move into a space of creativity and innovation.
How can we, as leaders, transition into active and move into meaningful listening? Here are some steps to begin your journey towards becoming a better listener:
Focus completely on what the other person is saying—eliminate distractions, including your own thoughts, and focus entirely on their words.
Listen not just to what is being said, but also what might be left unsaid—listen for deeper meaning and underlying concerns, values, or fears.
Ask follow-up questions to understand more fully—use paraphrasing or reflect back key words or phrases.
Let go of judgment—notice words, tone, and body language to support their full self-expression.
Powerful Questioning
Questioning is another skill that leaders can hone and improve upon. Generative Listening can and should provide good questions, but many times we are asking questions simply to help others get to a conclusion, or to demonstrate knowledge (guilty!). Powerful questions develop resourcefulness, lead to ongoing learning, and cultivate self-awareness.
Big powerful questions share common traits:
—They invite people into the collaborative process, encouraging them to bring forth new ideas and elevate their thinking.
—They encourage collaboration and remove barriers within and among teams.
—They prompt individuals to elevate ideas and explore new opportunities, perspectives, and innovation.
Bestselling author and thought leader Michael Hyatt says, “Leadership is less about having the right answers and more about having the right questions.”
And executive coach Amy Balog adds, “Your best questions are usually far more powerful than your most passionate statements!”
Curious about how you can enhance your questioning skills? Powerful questions:
Are open-ended—they don’t have a yes or no answer, and they encourage the other person to explore more deeply. For example, rather than asking “Is this important to you?” opt for a more open-ended approach like “What makes this is important to you?”
Need time and space for powerful answers—in other words, they are not rushed, and they don’t rush the other person.
Flow naturally out of the conversation when we are in generative listening—they have context and don’t seem like they are coming from left field.
Don’t lead the other person toward a pre-determined answer—if the question is leading, then we are not listening deeply, and we are not supporting the nest answers from our team member.
Several years ago in another role, I was asked to take over the training and change management of a significant electronic medical records project. The $300 million project was in jeopardy due to training-related issues and obstacles. Having learned my lesson from previous years, I met with the new team and humbly confessed “I don’t know much about this platform, and I don’t know much about your actual work, but together we can get through this!”
Each individual conversation I had with my team members opened with two questions: “What do I need to know?” and “How can I help?”
This approach shifted my perspective and led to a year of learning and growth for me. The Training workstream, once our primary concern, was successfully mitigated, and we trained 17,500 people within 12 weeks prior to the go-live date. I had finally learned to use the Power of Not knowing.
What steps can you take to increase your “Power of Not knowing”?